her name was, The Thing. 1st name from The Thing.

 

You don’t have to make it clear actually. You can keep silence as long as you want, you can keep running from me as far as you can, or you can tell all people how you hate me as cruel as you can,

Because hey, I don’t need any explanation from you. I don’t need any word from your sweet mouth, neither from your letter.

You know why, my nightfall? Its not because im scared, not becaue I realized how fragile iam and how all my heart and soul would break into a pieces right when you stare at me on the eyes,

But Its all because your eyes, and your smile,

Its because the way you act when universe, unexpectedly,  collide us into one moment,

When our eyes meet both, the midnight meet the sea,

And It tells all.

The wind tells me right, every coffee and menthol ciggarete I smoke, it tells me everything.

Its over. We never can be a lover, nor cant be a friends too.

But when I saw your smile, I saw your pimples, your ocean eyes,

That time,

Right that I know you have the same feeling on me. You miss all the moment we spent together, you lost something. And you want me, you want me to be there, pass my way through the crowd, searchin you in the middle of crowded party at our college,

Then we smile, we looked each other.

I tell you how great you are doing the dance perfomance, and you tell me how great iam being the games champion. how great iam being the team captain.

Then we took a photo, right in front of the cclass, my hand on your waist, your smile painted so bright,

Then I take your hand.

“lets try some new café, where you can see this city from the view! also, the greatest dancer in history need some appreciation too” I said.

You smile, again, then nod your head. "and the most handsome mobile legend's player need some cheers too."

oh, right. that was a dream. a dream that doesnt have an ending. 

everytime i tried to wake up, you know what i see? 

its you.

everywhere, everytime, and everything in between. all i see is you, and right when your eyes meet mine, 

i felt like it talked to me, sayin how much it misssin me for a while.

we never started anything, and i admit, you never push me to do anything either.

but why it keep getting worse? why this things keep getting difficult? 

it felt like i was on the ship, with you, we sailed it together passing the pacific ocean, makin' our way to our dream neverlands.

it felt like, we talked, talked about how funny you are believing there's actually a loch ness out in the ocean.

but then, i realized, its not us who sailing the ship.

its just me. alone. while you ride another ship, with people i dont even know who they are.

its supposed to be not this hard, right? we even not in the same ship, but why it felt like it isn't?

i wish i could forget you, i wish, and i mean it. every night under the moonlight, sitting on our chair right at the place where you make my heart fell apart,

i scream it out loud in the between of silence, i scream your name, cursed it for five minutes straight,

and then i nod my head, drop the tears.

last words,

"and for every scars i made just to get you out from my head, for every tears i dropped just to make everything seen blurry, and for every poem i wrote just to fill the break part in my heart,

i wish i could forget you as easy as you said those horrific words to me, but i wish i could met you for the second time on that hill, where sentul looks beautiful from there, just like you. and tell, how much i love you."

---

some words i wrote to you right before the disaster,

was called 'the moon entrance'.

"i watched her walking down from her room,

wearing the best dress i've ever seen in my life.

feeling proud, i could call her mine.

my girlfriend, my bellarose"

i always imagine what it felt like to finally pick you up right at 2nd floor, with knowing you was my girlfriend after all this time.

i will hold your hand, tight, would never let it go. 

and for every days i'll watch you getting better,